After recovering from the shock of the news of the NDAA amendment, I have found the silver lining: We The People can look at this as 93 future job openings, with decent pay and excellent benefits. If you have and can use common sense (to hell with your morals, it’s clear those are not a requirement for the job), I will vote for you, so long as you are against making it legal for our military to arrest, indefinitely detain without trial, or assassinate our citizens. Congress’s approval ratings are at an all-time low, so why not go for their jobs? I don’t care if you want the office of the Crack Monkey General or the Madam of the House of Political Whores, or just to be a junior Senator from Wherever, just go take the seat from its current occupant.
I just want real people, real Americans to run our government again. Those occupying Capitol Hill right now give no evidence of being in touch with reality. It’s as though all that “getting into bed” with special interests has exposed the majority of them to something akin to political syphilis, which has subsequently affected their brains. They’ve forgotten for whom they work, whom they represent, and why their offices exist in the first place. They seem only interested in their own needs, wants and benefits. This vast bubble Congress exists in does not translate into the real world anymore. They need a reality check, one in which they can lose their jobs and their benefits like the rest of us. I’d like it if all of those who voted for this Act’s amendment were voted out of office and replaced by people who have lost their jobs, or who can let their existing jobs be filled by someone else who needs one while they go on to Capitol Hill. We’d solve two problems at once: Unemployment and a Congress no one can stand, or understand.
There are even more jobs if we recall and replace everyone in the House of Representatives that votes for SOPA, to be voted on this Monday. The ancient denizens of Capitol Hill are not familiar enough with how the internet works to be in charge of making sweeping changes or decisions regarding its operation, but that is what SOPA will do. The Stop Online Piracy Act sounds good in theory, but in practice it gives the power to a corporation to shut down any website it views as infringing on its copyrights without proper compensation or explicit permission. Think about a world in which a record company can shut down Facebook at will, or a movie studio can shut down Twitter because someone shares a link to a boot leg copy of one of their blockbuster movies. That’s it, that is all it would take.
When internet experts went to Capitol Hill to try to explain how it all works and what the effect would be if they passed this asinine Act and what the COST would be (internet commerce is responsible for 2 trillion dollars per year of our national economy...think we can afford to lose that right now, along with all the jobs that go with those dollars? I don’t!), should these social media websites begin to be arbitrarily shut down, but those politicians that were raised “in the days of dinosaurs and black and white t.v.” as my son would say, they didn’t want to hear it. They tuned out, said it was boring, asked, “Can’t we skip this part?” Yeah, of course, why would we want you overpaid village idiots to understand what it is you are voting on? What difference does it make if you cast a well-informed vote for what best serves America, as long as you get to lunch on time, and no one messes with your benefits package?
Maybe that’s why they keep trying to cut unemployment benefits: They don’t want the funds to run out for their own health insurance and their retirement packages, let alone their salaries.
With all the cuts in funding to academic research, I bet we could get really good deals on lab monkeys or chimps. We could save ourselves millions each year by having the majority of seats in both Houses filled with research animals once we’ve trained them in both sign language and Robert’s Rules of Order. All it would take is a banana and an inner tube and probably a week’s worth of training per chimp. We could fix the deficit problem in a short amount of time and at a very reasonable cost while also solving a practical problem that presents a great threat to our country: Congress. Plus, chimps are much smarter than your average politician and a lot harder to buy, once you have their loyalty.
I’m game. Bring on the monkeys, or let’s all run for office. Either way, we’d come out ahead. Statistically speaking, we just can’t do worse than we have now. The average chimp has to be smarter than the average Senator of late. Satan would be more morally consistent than what we’re currently dealing with, and we wouldn’t feel disappointed and betrayed every time he did something self-serving because at least we would have expected it from him when he took office. Unfortunately, he’s too busy (and getting too rich) running all of the lobbyists and taking his cut.
Seriously, update your voter registration card, and call your Senator and your Congressman or woman. Let them know you are going to vote for someone else if t hey vote “Yes” on this SOPA act. The NDAA which allows our government to send American citizens to Gitmo without trial or due process is bad enough. We don’t need our ability to perform commercial transactions over the internet compromised because some weenie at a recording studio got his panties in a wad over $300 in royalties he thinks he should have collected from Facebook. Give it a rest already.
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